So my friend is feeling really shitty, so I called her and talked to her tonight. This led me to thinking why do bad things always happen to good people. This notion seemed highly improbably so I decided to analyze it further.

Upon further analysis. I realized this really isn't the case. Bad things happen equally to all people, but bad people care less about what happens, and therefore bad things effect bad people less than they effect good people. Good people because they care about things and what they do are more effected by bad things, and also when people see bad things happening to good people it seems unjust to them, versus when bad things happen to bad people, it seems like justice is served.

A little bit of Badi logic in the wee hours of the morning.

2am, the is the loneliest time of night. You mind is still working well, and no one is awake who you can relate to. If they are awake at this hour they are doing something.

So I just watched the trailer for a movied called Paradise Now, which can be viewed here, it is about two Palestinian suicide bombers and their journey to their goal. They reconsider what they are doing several times, and it seems to be a very human story, doubtful to be appreciated by most American viewers. The thing was, watching that trailer made me miss Saudi Arabia soo damn much. I am getting all teary eyed. These two shots especially.

I miss the culture, the simple life, the loyalty, the brotherhood, all that crazy shit that American culture totally lacks. America is so damn completely devoid of any culture, and it really makes me miss Saudi Arabia because of the sharp contrast. Saudi Arabia people still wore the traditional garb to work, regularly. I really miss shit like that.

Good did come out of this though. I decided I am going to take Arabic next semester. Saudi Arabia is really a big part of my life, I was raised there, it is part of who I am, and why I am the way I am today. God I really want to smoke shisha, and just sit and talk.

I am sick, sick of the world, and the games one is required to play in this world. People are pissing me off more and more lately, and I am tired. I really feel like I wanna just take a year off and go somewhere and really just do my own thing. I believe there are two worlds, the world of the mind, and the world that surrounds us. The more these two worlds coincide the happier one is. The world in my mind is not even close to the world that exists around me. In my world, everyone would say hello to everyone else on the street, people wouldn't try to hide who they are, they would wear it like a badge of honor for everyone else to see. In my world, people will care about how their actions effect those around them, and take that into consideration before acting. In my world everyone would love everyone else, and care about and listen to them. This is my world, and it exists only in my mind. I want to do a year of service, but I am pretty sure that it will mess everything up for my future, and I hate that I have to choose. The way my major is at this calibur school sometimes just drives me insane. I don't believe that academics should consume your life, and soul, but here it seems to. I am getting along alright for now, and still living healthily. I am just worried about my future years, the higher level classes, and fun. What ever happened to fun, and by fun I mean riding on a swing, not getting drunk and making an ass out of yourself? I guess I really haven't had the time to enjoy the simple pleasures of life lately, other than Mario Tennis, but that is a sidenote.

I also realized last night, that I am kinda a selfish asshole, and that I am struck by moments when I want to change my life for the better, mostly at night, but during the day when I act, I forget my desire to change for the better and just fall into my old habbits.

My Godfather died and was burried yesterday, I didn't go to the funeral, school took priority. I really want to see him again, now that he is gone. I remember little magic tricks he did for me when I was a kid. He is really the only person outside my family that has known me since I was little. I am crying, and I am vulnerable, and I don't care. Just remembering him and the little things makes me tear up. It is funny, my fondest memory of him is this magic trick he did for me as a kid, and whenever I think of that I think of a simpler happier time in life, when life was beautiful, now what I mostly see around me is ugliness, even when I look inward.

This man right here is my hero. Lil Wayne, one bad ass rapper, who I really don't know too much about, except that he is bad ass. I mean why not, he is a good a hero as anyone else out there in the business today, everyone is pretty much saying the same thing, just a little differently, except ASHLEE SIMSON. I just finished watching Ashlee Simpson's new video on the MTV, and she is telling some girl how she isn't responsible for stealing her boyfriend. WHO CARES!?!?!? And then she talked about some other garbage, and didn't really say anything. You know the typical, if you don't say anything no one can be mad at you. F that S. Lil Wayne throws a finger in the air because he doesn't care, and that is why he is my hero.

So this past weekend was the Persian conference, which was retarded as usual. All my friends ditched me and chased chicks, and I was basically left alone for half the time, the other half I was playing hokm with Micheal, or playing frisbee with Zach. Which kinda made me realize something about myself. I enjoy the simple pleasures of life. I mean I could go chase women, and try to be what they want me to be, but I personally would much rather just sit and play cards with my friends, or toss the disk, or watch a good movie. I really just enjoy spending time with good people, we don't even really have to be doing anything as long as I am in good company. This rush and tumble lifestyle most people live, is not for me, I do my work when I feel like it, I relax when I feel like it. Life is pretty good. The trouble is just realizing which friends will be with you through what. You can't really fault them for who they are, you really have to accept it, and move onwards.

On a completely separate note, I got a job today, I will be teaching classes through CITES, for computer programs, pretty basic stuff, but it is a job in my field, and I am happy to have at least that. I am also currently listening to Foreplay/Long Time by Boston, such an amazing song, and it is kick back rock, which really complements my mood.

This addressed to all the people of the world. Is there really anybody inside of you, or are you that empty shell most of you appear to be? For some reason I have the terrible feeling that most people are just empty shells that have hardly any souls, or anything of offer the world, the term I am looking for is the spark of life, people today seem to lack that, or have attempted to manufacture an artificial spark. It is strange, the world we live in. I am not gonna say it was any better than it was before or worse than it was, because honestly I have no idea, I have only recently come into conciousness, which is better than I can say for most people. You probably have no idea what I am talking about, because it is do damn vague, but life can only be described in vagraties, because of the complexity. Like math the more complex the idea the more variables it requires.

I want someone to listen to my problems, and ask me how I am. I feel kinda like Kevin Spacey's character in American Beauty, like no one really cares how I feel and what my problems are. I don't think it is too much to ask. I am a very internal person and keep my feelings and thoughts to myself for the most part, partially because I don't want to burden people with them, and partially because I don't feel all that comfortable sharing them with just anyone.

The world that surrounds us is a deliverance and distraction from the pain that life is, without a mind numbing world at times, imagine how depressed the world would be. Think of all the fanatics out there, fanatics of anything, who need that thing to get them through the day, without that what would their lives be? Emptyness.