So I was sitting in the server room trying to manually get the hotfixes for the computers on the test network, and after reading some 1984 during lunch. I began to think about the feeling of a real hug. You know the hug that is completely uninhibited, where you can just feel the warmth of the person and that they care. Those are great hugs. I remembered at feast yesterday this guy who I just met gave me one of those hugs, it was really nice, and kinda surprising. I have been trying to give more hugs like that lately, because it is such a great feeling. The memory of great hugs threw my mind back to the time when college was ending, and I remember how the hug that people gave me was quite an accurate representation of what our realtionship was like. I just remember getting some really great hugs, from some really great people. Coinicidentally I was listening to Tuesday's Gone by Lynyrd Skynyrd, which in my mind is their best song. It really makes me miss college.

While listening to the song I felt exceptionally powerful because of all the things that I have had the blessing to experience in my lifetime. I felt like a giant feild of energy could erupt from my body if I willed it so. It was alot like going Super Saiyan in DragonBall Z. I feel so much better now. It was really nice because it was followed by like three great songs, which is impressive since my playlist is on random. It was a simple row of coincidences that made me feel alot better.

1984 is a devastatingly good book. The picture of the future that Orwell paints is so disturbingly bleak that I was reading some of it and it made me quite sad, the predicament some of these men were. The thing that made me appreaciate the real hugs, was when Winston the main character in 1984 was describing having sex with his wife, and how she was cold and rigid during the act, and how it was just submission on her part. He grew to loathe the sex with his wife. The future that Orwell paints is as if the Nazi's won WWII, and the life that is described is where love and virtuall all emotion is illegal and considered "thoughtcrime". They are also being constantly monitored by "telescreens". Life seems utterly terrible in 1984.

Something I have been pondering lately is how life becomes boring and unfulfilling when there is no change in it. This is strange because most people actually resist change, I myself have not wanted change at times, and many a time feared it. I was thinking relating life to physics how we always need acceleration in our lives to keep from stagnation, because even if you are moving, you moving can feel like not moving if it is done for such a long time. It is an incomplete idea, I am kinda just trying to work it out on paper.

Some more thoughts on women: When I was in one of my more vindictive moods the other day I came up with this little thought.
Most girls run around like chickens with their heads cut of, but still they insist on holding their necks up high. I also had a mental image of a chicken with a bloody neck stump strutting around as if it was something spectacular. This thought and my earlier hug idea exemplify the dual nature of women, one being men's antithesis, and the second being a loving motherly figure. As a side note most of the real truely feelingful hugs I got were from girls. This struck me as odd because some of the girls I didn't even know that well, but still they were loving and sweet. The problem arises as to how to find a girl who shows more of the loving motherly side than the antithesis to men side.